Sesums

In a recent conversation with a friend involving nighttime routines I happened to mention that, on an average of 4 out of 7 nights a week, I typically enjoy a bowl of cereal shortly before I go to bed; something that I’ve been doing for approximately 7-8 years. I know there are detractors out there who would argue that eating a meal right before bed can be hard on your digestive system, but it worked for Jerry Seinfeld, so I don’t see any harm in continuing the routine.

This cereal-eating ritual started when I happened upon a particular brand that I really enjoyed, and over the years, I’ve found that I’ve bought an average of 3 boxes of the stuff per month. You’d think that after eating such copious amounts of the same cereal day after day, year after year, for nearly a decade, the flavour would have lost its appeal by now, but that certainly hasn’t been the case for me. In fact, I’m thinking of how much a bowl would really hit the spot right now! What’s not to love about it? It’s crunchy, yet chewy. Sweet, but not too sweet, and consists of all sorts of textures that really mix well together for an exciting eating experience. Where’s the milk?!

I’d tell you the name of this cereal, but that’s where my problem starts; – I don’t know it’s name.

“What?! You don’t know the name of the cereal you’ve been purchasing and devouring on an almost-nightly basis for the past near-decade? What’s the matter with you? You must have the same problem that that Memento guy had.”

A fair argument I’ll admit, but I’d like to present you with another possibility behind the reason for my ignorance:

Really terrible branding.

Think about it, with the amount of time I’ve spent staring at this box over the past decade, the brand name should be deeply ingrained into my subconscious to the point where I’m crying it out in my sleep. In my opinion, this says a lot about:

a.) The strength of the branding team responsible for naming/packaging this product. And,
b.) their reliance on brand loyalty for continued sales success from faithful people such as myself.

All of this time, I’ve been going to the store and basing my purchase simply on the colours of the box and the foggy shapes my brain has assembled to associate to the product itself. On the occasion where my wife has done the shopping, I’ve simply asked her to “get me that cereal I like”. (It sounds best when done in a Southern accent).

I’d love to tell you the name of this cereal I’m referring to, but I’ll have to walk over to my kitchen cupboard to find out. Hang on.

“Oatmeal raisin crisp”.

Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

It sounds as though they were going for something very literal when they were naming this product, but I will argue that there is nothing “oatmeal” about it. Oatmeal is soft, hot, sticky and often leaves those gross spittle-like lines between the bowl and your spoon as you scoop up a wet mound of the stuff. Since I can verify that the cereal is indeed both crisp, and contains raisins, it’s my guess that it’s the “oatmeal” in the title that’s throwing me off.

I know General Mills recently introduced an updated commercial campaign that focuses on the message of “you won’t like it” – in hopes of enticing viewers to try the product by using a cute usage of reverse psychology, but it still hasn’t made it any easier for me to remember the product name itself. It’s still just “that commercial for that cereal I eat”.

Does the name of the cereal have to be an actual description of what I’m eating? Can’t it just be somewhat associative? You may not know what’s in it, but you can bet that nearly everyone can describe what Kellogg’s “Pops” are. They’re round, they’re crunchy, they come in a yellow box with a name in a big font that’s easy to remember. Couldn’t the “Oatmeal Raisin Crisp” guys come up with a name that’s similarily catchy to help endear people to their product? I’m not going to offer up suggestions here, but if people can remember “Raisin Bran”, I’m sure something similar can be done for the cereal with raisins, oats and crispy things.

Or maybe it just needs a jingle:
“Sing it clear, or with a lisp!
It’s Oatmeal Raisin Crithp!”

Insert urban slang here!

Wendy’s Restaurant got around to changing their company ad slogan and in doing so, managed to get themselves added to the list of businesses who really don’t know how to appease their clientele. (It’s an unofficial list). I’m well-aware that this change isn’t incredibly recent, but I keep seeing the ads on tv and they’ve bothered me to a point where I had to finally say something.

Although varying slightly between Canada and the US, I have to say that it’s the Canadian version of the slogan that actually bothers me more so in this instance. Whereas in the US the slogan is, “It’s Waaaaaaaay better than fast food”. (Uhhhh, it IS fast food, dummies). The Canadian slogan is an inexplicable, “It’s Waaaaaaaay Delicious”.

Now I don’t know about you, but when I need to describe something with emphasis, I find that throwing in a “waaaaaay” before an adjective is the best means of doing so. Such as:
“That cottage cheese is waaaaaaaay smelly. Throw it out.”
Or “Your garden is waaaaaaaay dirty! Put some flowers in it, dum dum!”

Kidding aside, I don’t know how the brand team at Wendy’s could ever think that this slogan would ever have any appeal to their business’ demographic whatsoever. I mean, how do you think that slogan brainstorm session went?

“Alright team. Wendy’s needs a new slogan. So what do we know about their demographic?”
“They’re stupid!”
“They don’t understand the meaning of the word “really”!”
“They’re under 21, and are therefore uneducated street people who don’t know how to talk!”
“Those are all some waaaaaaaay good observations team. Keep it up.”
“What about the rest of the population that doesn’t fall into the “uneducated adolescent street people” category? You know, like, normal people?”
…
“You’re fired Johnson.”

Anyways, the point I’m attempting to make here is, although I may not be fall in Wendy’s key demographic when it comes to marketing, I was young once, and certainly don’t ever remember using something like “waaaaaaaay” as a descriptive word. Even when with friends. In fact, I’m pretty certain I have never heard that word used to describe something, ever. And I have nephews. And they DO fall into that demographic. And if they ever were caught speaking in such a manner I would hope an adult (such as myself) would be close enough, and have enough good sense to smack them across the back of their heads and say “Smarten up! – You’re not a dumb douchebag”.

We’re not dumb douchebags, so stop pandering to us like we are. Appealing to the lowest common denominator, especially when it comes to branding, only contributes to reinforcing societal idiocy as acceptable and patronizes the rest of the population with half a brain who knows better.

“That was a waaaaaaaay neat article, Nev!”

Thank-you waaaaaaaay much.